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Right now, I'm listening to the soundtrack of Me and You and Everyone We Know. Love that Michael Andrews (also did soundtrack for Donnie Darko).

On other fronts (besides what's blasting into my ears), I'm completely overwhelmed. I was a tornado this week. Did not stop. I was writing an article most evenings--finally done and in, thank the lord. Spent a lot of time deciding that I really care about the results of the democratic primaries. I feel tense about it...tense with friends. Tense because I don't feel smart enough, politically speaking, to make some persuasive case with bullet points about why I voted for Obama (I'm getting there). Tense even announcing here who I voted for. Why do I feel that? Maybe it's a hesitancy with creating an identity for myself via who I voted for, with advertising my deepest values, with saying: I'm with this camp, or that one, etc. I look forward to some sense of democratic-party unity once there's a candidate (not that I've ever considered myself a true democrat until now, or a true anything-political for that matter).

In all honesty, I'm just tense in general right now. The fainting incident, which has led me to the undeniable fact that I must go back to my diet of years ago that a naturopath put me on after my very first serious vertigo attack. This means:

*no sugar (thank god for agave cactus syrup)
*no caffeine (don't even get me started...I'm not there yet)
*no white flour (only a little hard...mostly just hard when eating out)
*no white rice (not that i ate much of this anyway)
*no potatoes (don't eat these either, except sweet potatoes, which I can eat)
*all whole grains and regular protein and eating every 2 1/2 hours (lots o' almonds)
*close attention to portions; there are grams involved and servings and measured amounts of things...and it's only a pain at first but then I can pretty much eye it once I do it for a few days.

In short: It means eating really healthy, really balanced meals, and never letting myself get too hungry. The only thing bad about this shift is that it's hard dealing with the phenomenon of craving. And that's just not a good enough reason to stay where I am. It also means being reminded how my commuting situation in addition to the driving I do for other things makes it harder to have a balanced routine.

How does one get it all done? The driving, the full-time job, the laundry, the feeding one's self (well), the friendships, the fun, the relaxation? The keeping things in order? The staying in touch? The reading? And, of course, the most important thing of all: the writing.

It makes me want to lay down in the middle of my storm-strewn apartment and give it all up... But I also know there was a time when I wanted nothing to do with the upper world. So on a day (perhaps tomorrow) when I feel less overwhelmed, I'll remember that I'm really happy to be here...and having all these tasks, all the stuff of life to juggle and manage, is actually a privilege, not a drag.

And if you've actually read this far, you get the grand prize of this uncensored control-V...pasting clipboard (no idea what's on it)...now!:

the bars I used to swing up to,
the bars I climbed onto
in my leotard, palms caked
with spit and chalk